A Broken Soul

Sunday, 3 July 2005 16:10
walkyourownway: (Default)
[personal profile] walkyourownway
Title: A Broken Soul
Fandom: YuGiOh
Character(s): Kaiba Seto
Genre: Drama, angst
Rating: K/G
Disclaimers: "Can't Take Me" © Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron, YuGiOh © Kazuki Takahashi
Notes: Bold text = song lyrics, Seto POV. This story is about Seto Kaiba after he lost to Yugi in their very first duel. Why did I write it? Who knows? Why do I write anything that I do? Because I'm a moron, that's why ^^;; But I'm a proud moron, even though every time I look back on these old stories I feel the need to puke. Does anyone else get that way? Yeah, anyway.....I still think they take their card games too seriously.....But whatever....^^;;

Summary: Seto broods over his defeat at Yugi's hands.

A Broken Soul

I stood on the rocky ledge, looking out at the ocean. Yet I didn't see anything. I could feel the wind blowing in my brown hair, and feel the mist of the water as it collided into the rocks below. Usually, I would feel a sense of calm there in my getaway spot, but this time was different. I felt...empty...for some reason. All I could think about was that one night, that one night when a piece of me was destroyed, thanks to Yugi Mutou.

Every since Yugi defeated me in that one duel, I know I haven't been myself. That single defeat had been haunting me since then, and it plagued me to the very depths of my soul. How could I lose to someone like him? How could the world Champion lose to a nobody like Yugi Mutou? How was it possible?

Got to fight another fight
I gotta run another night
Get it out-check it out
I’m on my way and it don’t feel right


So what was I going to do now? My very soul was shattered. Everything I had ever known about those cards...about myself...everything I believed in about them and me...had been broken by one person, who had done what seemed impossible to even myself. But how could he, even when I couldn't?

Yugi had talked about the cards having a heart. But how? It didn't make any sense. And yet, in believing in this "heart of the cards," he was able to pull out the one card that assured him victory. The last Exodia card, which was all he needed to beat all three of my Blue Eyes White Dragons. And with that single card, he had taken away everything that ever made sense to me, and told me that the game wasn't just about power. So what was the point?

But now what? What was I going to do? How could someone like Yugi beat me, Seto Kaiba, the World Champion?

I gotta get me back
I can’t be beat and that’s a fact
It’s ok-I’ll find a way
You ain’t gonna take me down, no way


I clenched my fists, shaking my head to clear it. I tried to forget, but the defeat at Yugi's hands were all I could think about. I felt it inside me, tormenting me, torturing me. I could feel myself ensnared by it, keeping me trapped in endless humiliation. How could someone break out of something like this? The entire event closed down on my heart, compressing it to the point I had difficulty breathing. Was I taking all this too hard? But that night, I had lost more than the duel. I lost my pride, my life, myself.

Don’t judge a thing until you know what’s inside it
Don’t push me-I’ll fight it
Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no


I felt as if everything was over for me. What if everything I had known was wrong? Where would I start to look for what was right? What if, as Yugi had said, the cards did have a heart? How would you know? How could you tell? Is there anyway to be sure? Yugi was very confident about the heart of the cards, and trusting in his grandfather's deck, and he was rewarded with the last Exodia card that he needed. Does that mean, that maybe...just maybe...the cards did have a heart? That there was more to them than just power? How would I ever have a way of knowing?

If you can’t catch a wave then you’re never gonna ride it
You can’t come uninvited
Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no
You can’t take me, I’m free


I sighed. What has happened to me? I'm different than I used to be. I used to believe that the cards were all about power, and by accepting that, I became the world Champion. But Yugi trusted in the "heart" of the cards, and he was able to beat me. Now, ever since that night, I'm wondering about myself, about my own cards. Wondering if what Yugi says is true.

This isn't me. I know that I've changed, now. Something about that defeat with Yugi changed my beliefs, changed my life. This isn't like me. I used to be so sure and confident in my abilities, but now I feel...like a part of me...is...missing. I feel lost, searching for something...searching for...myself. But...how would I know if I ever find myself?

Why did it all go wrong?
I wanna know what’s going on
And what’s this holding me?
I’m not where I’m supposed to be


Yugi claimed that the cards had a heart, and that you had to believe in them in order to win. How will I ever find out, unless I duel Yugi again? But could I duel him again? Would I be able to? I had to. I had to find out if Yugi is right or not. It'll take all I have to duel, but it would be worth it if I would be able to find the answers to the questions that are afflicting me.

So be ready, Yugi, because we will duel again. And I will do my best to defeat you.

I gotta fight another fight
I gotta fight with all my might
I’m getting out, so check it out
You’re in my way, so you better watch out


Yugi talked about the heart of the cards. But I can't start doubting my own beliefs, not yet. I have to continue to trust in what I think, and I can't have any uncertainties about myself, or else. I have to do my best, and rely on my old skill and abilities. I can't afford to question myself anymore than I already have. In the next duel, it's all or nothing.

Don’t judge a thing until you know what’s inside it
Don’t push me-I’ll fight it
Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no


I can't let my defeat disturb me any longer. I have to think clearly, and trust in myself. I can't give up on my own thoughts...on myself. I can't be trapped anymore. I have to try and forget about the past defeat and prepare for the battle ahead. The battle against Yugi...and in a way...myself.

The time for feeling sorry for myself is over. It's time to break out of this trap. I can't stay down any longer. It's time to pick myself up and move on. It doesn't matter how much it will hurt, or whatever else comes in my way. But it's time I continued, and try to find the answers on my own. They won't just come to me on their own, and I've done nothing for long enough. I have to find them, and I won't give up until I do.

Look out, Yugi. The old Seto Kaiba is back.

If you can’t catch a wave then you’re never gonna ride it
You can’t come uninvited
Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no
You can’t take me, I’m free

The End

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